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Dekar Druid and the Infinite Library
By Cadwell Turnbull
Dekar Druid lives in an infinite library.
Outside, a forest surrounds the tower.
© Lightspeed
Theres a lake a short walk to the north and a peak to the distant south.
Hes only tried the one time, an experience he does not intend to repeat.
Truth be told, the infinite library may not be infinite.
From the base of the tower, the ground appears undisturbed.
The interior of the tower also shows no signs of decay.
So, perhaps more curiously, has Dekar Druid.
He is skimming the pages of the book, his mind elsewhere.
Hes read this one before, so the story hasnt caught him, and may never again.
Dekar is bored often.
He is thinking now about lunch, what Ebizenum might prepare for him.
He hopes it is a kabob of the most tender deer meat, seared to perfection.
His mouth is salivating just thinking about it.
Dekar closes the book and places it on the top of the teetering book tower.
He stands and stretches, allows a yawn.
He blows hard, stirring dust.
The particulates fall around him as he descends the ladder, the motes like tiny snowflakes or feather-light glass.
Why go to this part of the tower?
Why grab the ladder and reach for that specific book?
These are the sort of questions Dekar doesnt ask anymore.
He sits in his usual spot, curls his feet back under him.
He opens the book and this time he doesnt skim.
Immediately he knows this one is different, a book hes never read before.
He reads the title:Longback Berserker.
Like with all the other books, there is no author.
He shrugs, his response to most things, turns the page, and begins reading.
By the end of the first page Dekar is caught.
No one notices him appearing there.
Dekar looks around to find his bearings.
All these buildings are painted purple, almost the same shade as the people walking along the sidewalks.
She told herself again there was nothing to worry about.
She would see what he had to say about the Esket Fragment and leave once hed told her.
The Fragment was in a dead language that the Scattered Tribes no longer remembered, even in their stories.
However, shed still have to do her duty as a scholar and talk to the man.
And so, Estrid Orchid crossed the street to meet Ev Tengo.
Usually he follows his reading voice, but whimsy has taken hold of Dekar Druid again.
He does not cross the street.
He climbs the three steps of the fortune tellers shop and opens the door.
There is a chime as he enters, but no one is at the front desk.
They dont stop even as she steps to the front desk which stands at chest height.
And hereyes: crimson and sparkling and resting completely on Dekar, unblinking.
The blue-green beads tremble lazily as the woman looks Dekar up and down for a long moment.
Dekar begins to worry that he has not formed himself in the manner of people within this world.
He looks down at his purple skin to reassure himself.
He tries again: I was hoping I could have my fortune taken.
The beads cease trembling and finally, the woman blinks.
A moment, she says and disappears behind the beaded curtain again, stirring them back to life.
She returns with a deck of cards shes already shuffling in her hands.
Dekars face cools, this worlds indication of a blush.
The woman sets down her cards and pulls out one of the chairs.
She invites him to do the same and he does.
They sit across from each other in a delicate silence.
Here she continues her vigilance, studying Dekars face.
He clears his throat, readjusts himself in his chair.
The woman picks up her cards and again returns to shuffling.
Dekar has no clue how she is doing this.
Stranger lets the cards scatter across the table.
He watches it with suspicion.
That one, Stranger says, youll have to turn yourself.
Dekar expends a great deal of energy fighting the impulse to disobey.
Stranger says, My family has lived in this valley for centuries.
Ive lived here a great deal longer.
Dekar notices, absently, that he is not bored.
Stranger flips one of the cards.
The Dipper is a good omen for someone like you.
It means that a journey is soon at its end.
She flips another card.
This one is all black except for a circle at the center.
In the circle is a severed hand.
A Sever is a rare card to reveal itself on a second turn.
This one he does not want to give power by naming it.
Stranger turns another card.
On it is a single tooth with a heart carved on its face.
She is watching him as she speaks; her crimson eyes burn.
As a first card, it means that you will find a life-long companion.
I have yet to.
The change that will lead to the shattering of self.
Dekars skin yellows with anxiety.
He bends himself in a knot to stay rooted to his chair.
Then you, says Stranger.
She reaches for one closer to Dekar and he flinches from the sudden action.
He watches her flick the card over with one of her long bark-black nails.
Dekar asks, his body is as tight against his chair back as he can manage.
The legs of the chair have slid slightly from the table.
She was a young woman from an old family in this valley town.
And she loved me.
We spent three years in bliss and I birthed six saplings from our love: the family I mentioned.
Except for one line, theyve all ceased.
When she died, I visited her.
Her eyes were milky, her sight reduced to a small aperture out of her right eye.
Still, when she saw me, she gasped.
How young I mustve looked to her; she likely thought me a phantom.
And so, I lived.
Until her, my Ellen, and the love we built.
How many more of your children have you done this to, I wonder.
How many of them are still waiting to be relieved from their purpose.
Your face says it all.
You dont know what you are or why youre here.
But yet you left me with this responsibility, this endless .
That card is the Drowning Fish, a Higher Dipper.
Rare to get two in the same reading.
These cards together are a trio with both a separate and a singular meaning.
Do I really need to say it?
Tri-Una means God will reveal himself to you, a personal visitation.
Now pay me and get out of my shop.
Lunch, as it turns out, is a ham sandwich.
Ebizenum sets down the sandwich and returns with a tall glass of turmeric lemonade.
Then they sit across from Dekar, copper lip-segments locked in a polite smile.
Hands on the table, they stare at Dekar, waiting for another command.
Dekar doesnt give one.
He takes a few bites of his sandwich and chews slowly.
How was your day?
Distracted, Dekar says, Fine.
The android refixes their mouth to a smile.
Lip-segments parted, an eager rise to their copper brows, Ebizenum gestures to stand.
I dont need anything.
I just have questions I am hoping you’ve got the option to answer.
I can try, says Ebizenum, copper brows creased.
The chrome of their face gleams in the afternoon light.
Oh, says Ebizenum, clearly worried.
No, of course not.
From one of the books.
You mean you spoke to a character.
Yes, though I dont think she was a character.
She was off-narrative, and very much alive.
Like you or me.
Fascinating, says Ebizenum.
They cup a hand to their chin-plate in thought.
Well, this is a new development.
I dont know if I can help you with questions about an off-narrative non-character that mimics sentience.
This response makes Dekar hesitate.
He takes a careful breath and pushes his half-eaten sandwich away.
Youre not satisfied with the ham sandwich?
Dekar stares into Ebizenums face, his only other companion in this desolate world.
Ebizenum says, I never thought this day would come.
Would you give me a moment to collect myself?
Dekar takes a sip of his turmeric lemonade, the ice clinking against the cold glass.
He has only now noticed that he is sweating from his armpits.
Would you like to ask them separately or would you like me to anticipate?
Anticipate, Dekar says.
Somehow his mouth is very dry.
Well, you did write all the books, during your awake cycles.
Thats when you are Your Exalted Self.
Currently, you are in one of your lowly cycles.
This time you call yourself Dekar Druid.
PleaseIm fine, kindly continue.
You must be wondering how many of these cycles youve had.
The number is quite long.
Ebizenum provides the number of cycles.
It is a very large number.
You must also want to know how many books are in the tower.
Sir Druid, I am concerned at your distress.
Perhaps we should
Dekar shakes his head.
Are there other living beings, like us, on this level of existence?
Neither does Your Exalted Self, Sir Druid.
c’mon explain.
Well, the forest, as you know Sir Druid, has no end.
And then there is the dizziness and the nausea if you spend too long in the forest.
There are the deer, the hogs, the rabbits, the predators of land and air.
There is the fish pond.
Otherwise, there is nothing, Sir Druid.
No life, such as yourself or myself.
Did I make you?
Your Exalted Self made me.
You are quite powerful in that form, though you still cant go beyond the forest.
I built the tower to house your books.
And to provide you shelter.
The forest frightened you and Your Exalted Self always worried what might emerge from the trees to claim you.
Then the first of your books.
So many questions to be asked.
So many terrible answers.
Do you want me to continue to anticipate?
No, thats enough.
I need to lie down.
Ebizenum stands and retrieves Dekars unfinished plate and drink.
Ill keep this for you in case youre hungry after your rest.
Ebizenums heavy departing footsteps help Dekar ignore the hard beating of his own heart.
He goes to the window and stares out at the still forest and its unnerving quiet.
Ebizenum is at the door when hes dressed.
How are you this morning, Sir Druid?
Im slowly starting to remember things, Dekar confesses.
Oh, thats new, says Ebizenum.
Usually, Your Exalted Self returns at once.
Ebizenums shoulders are too heavy to truly shrug, but they manage a minute rise.
No, thank you.
Im not hungry this morning.
Ebizenum starts to leave.
Ebizenum returns their attention to Dekar, as open and eager as ever.
I want to thank you; that is, I feel I should thank you.
For all youve done to take care of me .
in all my forms.
It is the reason I exist, says Ebizenum simply and departs.
Dekar watches Ebizenum disappear around a corner.
In front of him the fifth-floor stacks, its rows of books looming.
So many universes, and people, and .
Dekar is suddenly struck by a profound feeling of claustrophobia.
He desires to be outside, in the open air, but he doesnt actually want to be outside.
Then where should he go?
How can he get out?
It is something more like gravity.
This time Stranger is out front when Dekar enters.
She stares out from between stacks of boxes.
What is it now?
I wanted to ask, and theres no good way to ask, so Ill be direct.
Do you wish to die?
I could gift that to you, if you want, that is.
Hecangrant this.Ifhe can convince Himself.
Stranger considers for a moment.
For now, I am leaving the planet.
I want to see the universe.
Find others youve abandoned and give them the good news.
She stoops down where Dekar cant see and resumes packing something behind her desk.
Stranger emerges with another box.
Its a childish emotion.
Ill get over it.
Until you left and the rest of the world began to knit itself around me.
That version of you carried himself with so much confidence.
There is nowhere for you to go.
No up or beyond.
it’s possible for you to only go down.
I want to go another way if I can.
He wants to say something, but what is there to say?
A moment more of Dekar staring dumbly before Stranger turns away from him.
Nothing left to do here, Dekar knows, yet he lingers a moment longer.
Absently he observes that hes not bored, hasnt been since yesterday.
Cadwell Turnbull is the award-winning author ofThe Lesson,No Gods, No Monsters, andWe Are the Crisis.
His short fiction has appeared inthe Verge,Lightspeed,Nightmare,Asimovs Science Fiction, and several anthologies.
Turnbull grew up on St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands.
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