Facebook friendship is fleeting and borderline meaningless.
But that doesnt mean rejection and betrayal dont sting.
Getting dumped is horrible, painful, and guaranteed to happen.
Heres how to handle a devastating digital breakup.
Youre a terrible friend.
Friends should be interesting.
Why werent you more interesting?
You brought this upon yourself, and now everyone is running away from you.
Start being better and youll start making friends.
Thats your best shot.
You manage your Timeline like a pro!
Youre a good person, and a good Facebook Friend.
And someone still unfriends you.
You have reason to be offended.
Youre beneath fake friendship.
Someone doesnt even want to see your name written down on an LCD screen.
Youre repulsive to them.
Unfriending on Facebook is like being kicked out of fat camp for being too fat.
Being unfriended might be someone simply waking up and recognizing the absurdity Facebook thrusts us into.
Theyre just attempting to rectify it, using features built into said social internet.
Were all petty enough to care.
But some day, whenever the two of you meet in person again, youll briefly lock eyes.
I know what you did, and you know what you did.
Its a moment of mutual panic, guilt, and animus.
Thatll quickly subside, and youll go about your lives.
Who knows, maybe youll both end up forgetting the whole thing.
You might even friend one another again.
And so the cycle continues.
If youre not really worried what these people think about you, publicly expose what they truly arecruel.
Theyll get their comeuppance.
But bringing up the vile acteither online or in personwill shock them to their core.
Theyll be taken aback that youre enough of a weirdo to bring up a Facebook unfriending.
Watch as they stammer excuses, stutter, and give a shot to explain.
Theyll offer to refriend you.
It was a mistake!
Oh, how did that happen?
Theyll feel bad and weird and guilty.
Theyll feel something, which is better than Facebooks typical emotional feedback void.
Sure, its trolling, but itll make you feel better without any kind of real moral transgression.
The Internet should always be making you feel better.
But I forgaveas should you.
Now were sort of faux-friends again on The Book, and all is well.
If anything, were closer!
Just remember:
Theres nothing wrong with a little revenge online.
The consequences are so low, the results so ephemeral.
What wouldve been a hissy fit IRL is as simple as sending an email.
When all thats required is a slide and tap of the finger, petty loses the fight against pettier.
And then it’s possible for you to add the reconciliation to your Timeline as a Major Life Event.
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