The outfit had a pitch for us: February 12th is National Poop Day, the company said.
Would we like to talk to an expert for our Poop Day coverage?
Not me, of course.
Illustration: Vicky Leta
Im better than that.
At least Id like to pretend I am, but ironic distance cant hide the facts.
I took the bait, and now were both here, thinking about Poop Day together.
Today isnt just National Poop Day, though.
Its National Plum Pudding Day, the day we remember delicious Plum Pudding.
Today is the first day of Carnival.
Its the anniversary of the day the Senate Acquitted former President Bill Clinton.
100 years ago today, Rhapsody In Blue premiered in New York City for the very first time.
But why, out of all the 52 Mondays, is this one National Poop Day?
At least, thats what WastewaterSCAN told me.
And its kind of true, but not really.
Las Vegas is hosting Super Bowl LVIII, and the citypostedabout the coming flood on its X/Twitter account.
According to Las Vegas, its sewers get about 30% more flow on busy days.
But with #SBLVIII in Las Vegas this year, will it be the busiest ever?
If youre reading this on February 12th, the city of Las Vegas is figuring that out right now.
We get about 30% more peak flow on busy days than any other day.
Chases Calendar is perhaps the worlds leading authority on what you might call nontraditional holidays.
Poop Day isnt on Chases radar, though.
We generally reject submissions that are more, you know, scatological or biological.
Were not going to put Booger Day or Vomit Day in the book, McGuire said.
Usually, theyre just yankin our chain.
The same goes for the National Day Calendar, one of Chases biggest competitors.
The answer is no.
With February 12th looming, I doubled back on my investigation.
That honor, WastewaterSCAN said, belongs to the Madison Wisconsins Children Museum.
Unlike Chases and the National Day Calendar, another similarly-named calendar does recognize Poop Day.
A listing on the NationalToday.com confirmed the origin story.
It seemed like I had my answer.
Every year, the museum holds an election to help kids practice their civic skills.
Usually, the democracy-loving youths vote on which exhibits the museum should hold.
But where, exactly, did the museum hear about it?
Zarov had no idea.
Gross, but cool.
The Madison Area Herpetological Society even showed up for seminars on reptile droppings.
Zarov couldnt remember exactly when.
Condolences to the children of Madison.
By February 8th, National Kite Flying Day, my editor was starting to breathe down my neck.
There was only one place left to look.
But when I emailed the company, no one wrote back.
Im sorry to say I hit a wall.
My email iseasy to findif you have a tip.
The story of the first National Poop Day may be lost to the sands of time.
The whole thing is based on a lie.
Are we supposed to be impressed by the second-largest amount of poop of the year?
Besides, what good is a holiday when dozens of others happen simultaneously?
You cant set time aside when all the time is already spoken for.
Depending on who you ask, there are no less than 36 holidays on February 12th.
We have reached peak day.
Yet Poop Day marches on.
In that sense, maybe Poop Day was my fault all along.
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